


Like Gasoline

by yourpotato



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Cheating, M/M, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-10-10 06:31:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10431198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourpotato/pseuds/yourpotato
Summary: Josh is married. Tyler is married. They fuck up.





	1. Chapter 1

“You’re leaving?”

 

Josh stops in his tracks as his wife speaks up. Supressing a sigh, he glances over his shoulder and sees Debby standing in the kitchen doorway. Her arms are crossed over her chest, a frown on her pretty face.

 

“Yeah.”

 

He slowly grabs his leather jacket off the coatrack, watching her carefully as he puts it on.

 

“I don’t get a kiss goodbye?” She wonders.

 

He sighs softly and steps over to her, tilting her chin up and pressing a feather light kiss to her lips. “Bye,” he breathes and removes a strand of her blonde hair from her face. He tastes an _I love you_ on his tongue, but swallows it down. She stays silent as he offers a small wave before opening the front door. “Don’t wait up.”

 

He pulls up next to Tyler’s house, turning down the loud music as he waits for his friend. The door opens and two figures walk out onto the porch. Tyler presses a soft kiss to Jenna’s cheek before he starts making his way to the waiting car.

 

“Hey, man,” the brunette greets as he enters the car.

 

“Hi,” Josh smiles and patiently waits for his friend to buckle up. He’s dressed in a plain oversized shirt and black jeans, looking extremely handsome, but Josh would never admit that out loud. “The Alibi Room?”

 

“Let’s go.”

 

They arrive at the bar they most often frequent, walking inside in comfortable silence. Boys Night Out was a bi-weekly tradition between the two men, an opportunity to get away from their daily lives.

 

“D’you think we’re getting too old for this?” Tyler chuckles as he looks around the bar, taking in all the college kids surrounding them.

 

“Thirty five is _not_ old, dude,” Josh rolls his eyes, bumping their shoulders together. They find a booth in an empty corner, and the elder settles down.

 

“What you want? First round’s on me,” Tyler offers and points his thumb towards the bar.

 

“Scotch.”

 

With a nod, the man heads over to get their liquor. A young man with dark frizzy curls walks up to the bar, dressed in a tight-fitting uniform that shows off his strong arms. Josh watches closely as Tyler gives the bartender a subtle once over, and almost feels jealousy brew in his stomach. He sighs and runs a hand over his stubble, washing his thoughts away.

 

“Here you go,” Tyler murmurs as he sets the two tumblers down on the table, before taking a seat opposite Josh.

 

“Thanks.”

 

They clink their drinks together, and Josh ignores the feeling of wishing the younger was sat closer to him.

 

“How’s Debby?”

 

Josh purses his lips at the question, swirling his cup and watching the liquid move. “Angry,” he mumbles and takes a big swig.

 

“Why?”

 

“Says I work too much,” he explains. “S’not my fault. I have to work late nights to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table.”

 

Tyler nods sympathetically. “It’s not easy raising three kids. I would know.”

 

Josh lets out a chuckle. “I’ll drink to that.”

 

They throw back tumbler after tumbler, talking and laughing, their minds buzzing pleasantly with alcohol. The bartender from earlier keeps eyeing Tyler every time he passes by, which for some reason makes Josh’s stomach turn. The guy is _hot_ , and he desperately hopes his friend doesn’t think the same. Judging by the way he keeps glancing over his shoulder though, he agrees with Josh.

 

“Pipe down, buddy. You’re married,” the elder jokes after a while, a hint of bitterness in his tone.

 

Tyler turns to him, scoffing. “I’m not like that.”

 

Josh doesn’t know exactly what that means, he only knows that there’s something too defensive about his statement. He bites down on his bottom lip, avoiding the man’s eyes. “Want another scotch?” he questions and downs his drink, standing up. He receives a hum in response.

 

As he comes face to face with the hot bartender, he narrows his eyes. “He’s married,” he says after placing his order.

 

The man looks really surprised for a moment; neatly trimmed eyebrows raised high on his face. “Oh, I ain’t tryna- I’m hands off, aight? Just enjoying the view,” he chuckles and scratches the back of his neck. Josh hates himself for letting his eyes linger on his biceps. He’s _so_ gay.

 

“Well, don’t,” Josh mumbles under his breath and glances down at his wedding ring.

 

“Oh, he’s with you?” The man asks as he slides two tumblers towards him, also eyeing the wedding band. “You’re a lucky guy.”

 

Josh’s first instinct is to say _no, we’re not together,_ but he swallows it down and stays silent. He nods his thanks and picks up the drinks. He feels his stomach flutter at the thought of being with Tyler. The thought is quickly followed by a sinking feeling of guilt. He can’t think those things. He’s married to Debby, the mother of his three amazing kids.

 

A shoulder bumps into his as he walks through the crowd, spilling a few drops of alcohol onto his hand. He silently curses, wavering slightly towards the booth. Placing the glasses down on the table, he lets himself fall into the seat next to Tyler this time.

 

“Drunk already?” Tyler snickers at his friend, his speech a bit slurred.

 

“You know I’m a lightweight,” Josh defends with a grin, not being able to contain the joy the younger man brings him. He points to Tyler’s scotch. “Down it. You need to catch up to me.”

 

Tyler raises a thick eyebrow, but does as requested. He squeezes his eyes shut once he’s finished, slamming the glass down again. “Fuck, that’s gonna hit me hard.”

 

Josh laughs at his best friend, appreciating how flushed his cheeks have turned because of the alcohol. His lips are wet and shiny, begging to be kissed. He clears his throat and takes a long sip of his drink to distract himself. Their thighs are touching, shoulders brushing.

 

“Josh,” the man murmurs after a moment, his eyes darker than before.

 

Josh swallows slowly. “Yeah?”

 

“ _Josh_ ,” Tyler repeats shakily, leaning his head closer. He looks prettier than Josh has ever seen him under the dim lights. Their foreheads bump together gently. He wants nothing more than to connect their lips. “Can't,” Tyler breathes and turns his face away, leaving Josh nosing at his cheek. He smells like alcohol and fresh shampoo and _Tyler_.

 

The elder reaches up to gently caress Tyler’s chin, willing him to face him again. He studies his sharp edges, so different from Debby’s soft curves. “Tyler. Please,” he whispers, unsure what he’s asking for. Big eyes meet his again, lust and confusion dancing in them. “Please.”

 

He leans forward a little more, their lips inches from touching. He can feel Tyler’s hot breath hitting his face, flooding his senses. He takes another moment to think about his choice, placing a hand on the man’s thigh. Tyler lets out a soft gasp at the contact, and that’s all Josh needs. He presses their lips together.

 

His head spins.

 

Tyler’s fingers grab onto his leather jacket, shuffling closer. Josh tilts his head, opening his mouth and invites his friend to do the same. He moves his hand up Tyler’s neck and cradles his head as the kiss deepens. His stubble feels foreign under his touch, new and exciting.

 

He finds himself wondering why he didn’t do this ten years ago. Kissing a guy – kissing _Tyler_ – feels like heaven.

 

Their tongues meet, and Tyler let’s out a soft moan. It’s the sexiest thing Josh has ever heard. Hands are wandering, feeling up under shirts and over thighs. “Tyler,” he whispers as they pull back to catch their breath. “Let’s- Let’s go.”

 

The younger only nods frantically, following obediently as Josh stands up and heads for the bar. He reaches into his pocket, pulling out some crumpled bills and dropping them onto the counter. A pair of warm lips glue themselves to the side of his neck, arms clinging to his body. He sees the bartender raise an amused eyebrow at them as he picks up the money. Josh turns his head and meets Tyler’s kiss, just for the hell of it, moaning into his mouth. He grabs his hand and starts backing up, heading for the exit.

 

They stumble out of the bar, separating only to locate Josh’s car in the big parking lot.

 

“C’mon,” Tyler murmurs and tugs on his arm, urging him to unlock the vehicle. As he does, he presses his body against the elder’s. “Want you.”

 

Josh might pass out from blood rushing south as his best friend whispers in his ear. They get the backdoor open, and they stumble into the car, shutting the door behind them. Josh pushes Tyler down on the leather seats, towering over him. Their lips reconnect, noses bumping and tongues colliding.

 

Josh’s jacket quickly gets discarded, both their t-shirts following. Josh grinds his hips down experimentally.

“Fuck, Josh,” Tyler whines as he takes in the sight of the elder above him. Josh cracks a smile before going back to sucking a dark bruise onto Tyler’s neck. “I need- Need you.”

 

“Mhm,” Josh hums as he continues pressing their erections together through the fabric of their pants. He starts unbuttoning Tyler’s jeans with shaky hands. They get off both pairs of pants with great difficulty, and he chucks the clothes onto the floor. Looking down at the man beneath him, he lets out a shaky breath. “You’re gorgeous,” he slurs and strokes over Tyler’s clothed cock.

 

“God, _Josh_ ,” the brunette whines and bucks his hips into the touch. “Fuck me.”

 

Josh freezes for a moment, arousal swirling in his stomach. He _really_ wants to fuck Tyler Joseph.

 

“Please,” the man pants, hand sliding into his boxers to touch himself.

 

Josh licks his lips hungrily and reaches down to replace Tyler’s hand with his own, feeling the thick shaft in his grip. He has never touched another man like this. 

He pumps once, twice, watching the bliss dance on Tyler’s handsome face. Leaning his head down, he kisses him sloppily as his free hand roams the floor of the vehicle, searching for a bag from the pharmacy.

He blindly fishes out a bottle of lotion Debby had asked him to buy, thanking God that he forgot to bring it into the house when he came home from work. As he looks at the bottle in his hand, his wedding band glints in the dark. He squeezes his eyes shut and pulls it off, letting it fall to the floor.

 

He sits up between the man’s legs, and rips the plastic off the lotion bottle. “Have you done this before?” Josh asks as he pumps out a good amount of product into his palm.

 

“No,” he shakes his head. “Have you?”

 

“No,” Josh answers, dropping the bottle back onto the floor. He helps Tyler pull off his underwear, and shuffles out of his own. He spreads Tyler’s legs gently, being careful to not smear the lotion in his palm. “Perfect,” he mumbles and dips his finger into the lotion, reaching over to slowly circle the man’s hole.

 

Tyler hisses as the cold product touches his skin and closes his eyes. Josh studies the gorgeous cock in front of him, debating whether or not he wants it in his mouth. As he carefully pushes his index finger into Tyler, he leans down and drags his tongue over the shaft, earning a surprised moan from his friend.

 

“You like that?” he wonders and repeats the action, placing a wet kiss on the head.

 

“Yeah- fuck,” Tyler whines and looks down at him with dark eyes. Keeping eye contact, Josh slowly takes the cock into his mouth, lips stretching around it. He keeps moving his finger in and out of the younger, stomach fluttering at his pretty noises he makes.

 

The weight of the cock against his tongue is unlike anything he has ever felt before, and he absolutely loves it. He bobs his head up and down sloppily as he keeps inserting fingers. Once he’s gotten to three fingers in, he retracts his hand. He reaches for his own member, stroking it with the remaining lotion. He pulls off Tyler’s cock, licking his lips in satisfaction at the hard erection.

 

“What do you want, Tyler?” He hums and caresses the man’s cheek.

 

“Please.”

 

“Tell me,” he requests, grabbing onto his legs and pulling him closer.

 

“Want you to fuck me,” Tyler whines, lifting his hips off the seat, thrusting against nothing. “Please fuck me.”

 

A smirk grows on Josh’s face as he watches his friend writhe underneath him. He grabs onto his shaft, pressing it against Tyler’s entrance. He slowly starts pushing in, heart pounding against his ribcage.

“Good boy,” he praises when he sees Tyler flinch slightly. “That’s it.” Once he’s all the way in, he leans down and kisses the brunette lovingly, helping him relax. “You okay?”

 

“Mhm,” Tyler gets out, moving his hips slightly, testing the waters. “You can move.”

 

Josh doesn’t need to be asked twice. He gingerly pulls out, and presses back in. Sex has never felt this amazing.

“Feel so good,” he whispers against his lips. He gets a slow rhythm going, grunting quietly.

 

“Harder,” Tyler mumbles after a little while, his hands snaking around Josh’s neck, holding on tightly. “Fuck me harder.”

 

Speeding his hips up, Josh buries his face in the crook of Tyler’s neck. The sound of skin slapping against skin fills the family car, along with the men’s moans. He reaches down and strokes Tyler’s cock in time with his thrusts, revelling in the whiny noises he lets out. “Such a good boy,” he grunts.

 

Tyler is pulling at his hair, nails scratching down his back. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he gasps, arching his back. Josh lets out a small chuckle, mouthing at the side of his neck. “Wait- Josh, let me-”

 

He breaks off with a moan and places his palm on Josh’s chest, pushing him backwards. The elder is confused for a moment, before he catches onto what Tyler wants. They switch positions, Josh lying down on his back. He places a hand on Tyler’s hip as he climbs into his lap. With his free hand, he helps the brunette slowly ease down on the length.

“God,” Tyler gasps at the sensation, planting one hand on Josh’s chest and the other one on the window. Thank God for tinted glass.

 

He leans down, pressing their lips together as he moves his hips slightly. He lets Josh thrust up into him, caressing the elder’s naked chest. “Fuck, Tyler,” Josh groans as Tyler pulls back, sitting back up. He starts sliding up and down, their skin slapping together again. Tyler’s cold wedding ring is pressing against Josh’s chest, but he ignores it. He ignores it because Tyler feels so good around him.

 

“Right there,” Tyler whines, speeding up his movements and shutting his eyes. “I’m gonna come, Josh.”

 

Josh grabs Tyler’s shaft, stroking it quickly. “Come, baby,” he encourages under his breath.

 

“I’m coming- I’m coming,” the younger warns loudly, rolling his hips like his life depends on it. “Fuck- _Josh_.”

 

Tyler climaxes all over Josh’s pale chest, trembling as he comes down from his high. Josh snaps his hips up hard and fast, chasing his own orgasm. He comes with a groan, burying himself deep within the man.

 

Tyler tucks his face into the crook of Josh’s neck, both of them panting heavily. The elder lovingly strokes the warm skin of his back. His drunk mind makes up a world where this is just a regular night. A world where they’ve been together for year and years, married with children. A world where he isn’t a closeted gay man married to a woman. A world where he didn’t just cheat on his wife.

 

Josh lets out a soft sigh and shifts a little, letting Tyler know he wants to pull out. The younger sits up and slides off the now limp and sensitive cock.

 

“We should call a cab,” Tyler suggests quietly, his voice sounding more sober than ever. He reaches for his boxers and starts pulling them on. Josh can only nod dumbly in response, not sure what to say.

 

They get dressed in silence. The tinted windows are still fogged up, with Tyler’s faded handprint on the glass. Josh pulls his shirt over his head before carefully slipping the bottle of lotion back into the bag, feeling of guilt starting to grow in his stomach.

 

Tyler calls for a taxi, and slips out of the vehicle. Josh stays behind, sitting in the back seat, looking at his surroundings.

 

He sees the TV screens attached to the back of the front seats. The screens that play Disney movies for the kids on long car rides. He sees a toy on the floor from the kids menu at Burger King. He sees a blue hairband that belongs to Debby.

 

Running a hand over his face, he pushes away the guilt – and pushes away the thought that he just fucked a man in the car that he drives his kids to school in.

 

He slides the door open and steps outside, shuddering at the cold air. He sees Tyler standing a few feet away, staring down at his phone. “Did you get a cab?” he questions, his voice barely above a whisper.

 

Tyler doesn’t look up as he responds: “Yeah, I got one for me. You should call too.”

 

Josh frowns. “It’s cheaper if we split the-”

 

“I gotta go,” the younger cuts him off as a taxi pulls up to the curb by the parking lot. He pockets his phone and turns to walk away.

  
“Tyler, wait,” Josh tries, but to no avail. The man makes a beeline towards the car, and disappears inside it. It drives off into the night, vanishing around a corner. He inhales the cold air shakily, running a hand through his sexed up hair.

 

Josh Dun has fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might continue this if people want me to :^)
> 
> (no disrespect to debby or jenna, i love them both to the moon and back.)


	2. Chapter 2

When Josh wakes up the next morning, his head is aching and his mouth is dryer the Sahara desert. He stirs at the sound of soft footsteps approaching the bed, and he pries his eyes open. His wife sets down a glass of water and a pair of painkillers on the bedside table.

“What on earth did you get up to last night?” She wonders as she takes in his messy appearance.

_I fucked Tyler._

_I cheated on you._

_I'm gay._

Josh sits up slowly, wincing at the sharp pain in his head. “You know I’m a lightweight,” he mumbles his phrase from the previous night, and reaches out for the water and a pill, quickly swallowing it down.

 

Debby stands by the bed next to him, watching him closely. She’s probably just worried, but Josh doesn’t dare meet her eyes, in fear that she might somehow just _know_.

 

“Did you drive home last night?”

 

“Uh- Yeah… I did,” Josh admits, cringing at himself.

 

She only sighs and gives him a look of disapproval.

 

“Where are the kids?”

 

“Playing outside,” Debby tells him and takes a step forward, running a hand through his unruly hair. Dark circles accompany his tired eyes. His are lips chapped and his skin clammy. She cracks a small smile. “You look like shit.”

 

Josh snorts at her, batting her hand away. “Thanks.”

 

She lets out a soft sigh. “Take a shower. Eat some breakfast. We’re going to Jenna’s at twelve,” she informs him before leaving the room and heading back downstairs.

 

“Fuck,” Josh curses under his breath, squeezing his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose. He downs the glass of water swiftly before grabbing his phone off the nightstand. A trace of disappointment settles in his stomach as he sees no new messages from Tyler, but also relief.

 

After showering for way too long, desperately attempting to scrub away the shame and guilt, he steps out of the tub carefully. He rubs a hand over the ache in his lower back. Fucking in the cramped backseat of a car isn’t extremely ideal for a man in his mid-thirties, and his body isn’t shy about letting him know.

 

Studying himself in the mirror, Josh lets out a soft gasp. Down his backside and on his shoulders are bright red nail marks left by Tyler. “Shit,” he breathes and runs a hand over his face in frustration. His betrayal is written all over his pale skin.

 

He glances towards the small window opposite him, and shuffles over, standing on his tiptoes to see outside. His gaze lands on their garden, where Debby is pushing the kids on the swings, a laugh on her lips.

 

Swallowing dryly, he takes the opportunity to sneak into the master bedroom and fish out a shirt from his wardrobe. He slips the fabric onto his body, concealing the Jackson Pollock painting on his back.

 

An hour later all of them are settling into the car, ready to head over to Tyler and Jenna’s for a lunch gathering.

 

“Is uncle Tyler gonna play the ukulele for us, daddy?” Victor, the youngest of the three, wonders as Josh is fastening his seatbelt. “Please!”

 

“You’ll have to ask him, buddy,” Josh tells him, eyes darting to the leather seats, memories of the previous night flooding back to him. He offers a weak smile to his son and ruffles his hair before stepping back and closing the door.

 

He takes a final deep breath before getting into the driver’s seat and locking himself in the vehicle that now made him very uncomfortable.

 

"Mommy, there's a ring on the floor," Lisa speaks up as they start driving. The ten year old reaches down and picks it up for the parents to see. "Look."

 

Debby frowns at her daughter as Josh pales. "What’s your ring doing here, Josh?" She asks, taking the ring from the girl and wiping it off with the hem of her shirt.

 

"Right. I was- I was plastered last night and I wanted to try that cream I bought you," he lies smoothly – or so he hopes. He glances at the kids in the backseat, who’ve all gone back to focusing on other things. "I guess I must've taken it off and dropped it. I don't- I don’t remember much."

 

Debby doesn’t question him any further and simply pockets the ring, promising to give it back to him once his hands are off the wheel.

 

The kids are out of the car as soon as it’s parked, running up to the Joseph’s house, eagerly ringing the doorbell. Josh smiles fondly at the trio.

 

“Here,” his wife says, holding out the gold band for him to take. He picks it up and slides it back onto his finger where it belongs. It feels icy cold against his skin.

 

“Thanks,” he murmurs and leans over for a quick kiss, feeling the need to make up for his wrongdoings. He knows it won’t work.

 

Walking into the Joseph household this particular day feels extremely different, yet all the same. He avoids looking at all the family portraits and wedding pictures on the walls as Jenna greets them, bright grin on her face. She hugs them both tightly, as she always does.

 

“Where’s Tyler?” Josh manages to get out, eyes wandering down the hallway.

 

“He’s in the living room,” the blonde points with a manicured finger before turning to Debby. “Will you help me with the salad?”

 

Josh exhales shakily as the two women disappear into the kitchen, leaving him alone in the long hall. He needs to face Tyler sometime. Maybe it won’t be as weird as he’s making it out to be in his head.

 

He finds the man sat on the couch, surrounded by six children. Their eyes are focused on the TV as some cartoon plays. Tyler however, turns his gaze to the elder as soon as he steps into the room. His brown eyes are tired, a hint of fright swirling around in them.

 

“Daddy! Come watch SpongeBob with us,” Seth calls, glancing at his father in the doorway.

 

“Daddy needs to help Tyler with something upstairs,” Josh says, tilting his head in the general direction of the staircase, eyes still set on Tyler.

 

The younger man bites down on his lower lip for a moment, clearly debating if he should go or not. Avoiding Josh all day wouldn’t work out anyway, so he might as well get it over with. He stands slowly, chuckling weakly at the children’s protests. “Sorry, guys,” he apologizes and walks away, crossing his arms over his chest as he approaches Josh. He nods towards the stairs as he steps past him, mumbling; “my study.”

 

There’s a heavy silence as the office door falls shut behind them. The ticking of the clock echoes through the small room, every passing second getting more unpleasant.

 

“Listen. About last night,” Josh starts, but is cut off by Tyler vigorously shaking his head.

 

“No, last night was- it was a mistake, okay?” he states firmly, lips set in a thin line. “We were drunk off our asses and- and-”

 

“We weren’t that drunk.”

 

Tyler narrows his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

The elder bites his lip, studying the man standing in front of him. He looks a mess, much like Josh himself, but he can’t deny the fact that he’s still breathtakingly handsome. “I have…” he drawls, his voice at the edge of shaking. “I have feelings for you, Tyler.”

 

Tyler takes a step back, shaking his head again. “No,” he breathes in denial. “We had sex, Josh. That’s it. It didn’t mean anything.”

 

“It meant something to me.”

 

Josh wishes he could dissolve into thin air. Here he is, baring his emotions for Tyler to see, and the guy won’t even look at him.

 

“Tyler, please, will you just-”

 

“Just _what_?” he hisses in a whisper, eyebrows furrowed. “Just nothing, Josh. We don’t ever speak a word of this ever again. No one can know.”

 

“That’s it?” Josh scoffs.

 

“What do you want me to do, huh? Jenna doesn’t deserve this! My kids don’t deserve this! I’m an awful father-”

 

“Stop,” the elder cuts in. “You’re not.”

 

Tyler squeezes his eyes shut, tears threatening to fall as he takes a shaky breath. He’s quiet for a long while before he speaks up again. “I have feelings too,” he whispers. “For you.”

 

“Is that why you kissed me last night?”

 

Tyler nods.

 

“Are you… gay?” Josh asks quietly, taking a hesitant step closer.

 

Another nod, weak and barely noticeable. Silent tears roll down his cheeks as he hugs himself, eyes cast low.

 

“C’mere,” Josh sighs and opens his arms. Tyler obliges. He holds him, gently rocking them side to side. He feels his heart ache, begging to let tears fall, but he keeps it together for Tyler’s sake.

 

“I’m sorry,” the younger mumbles after a few moments.

 

“S’okay,” he assures and strokes his back lovingly, just like the night before. He pushes the man away slightly, moving his hands up to cup his face. He wipes away the wetness, offering a weak smile.

 

Tyler sniffs and leans forward, nuzzling their noses together. Josh closes his eyes, enjoying the intimacy.

 

“Josh.”  


“Mhm?”

 

There’s a pause, the room is dead silent.

 

Then soft lips meets Josh’s, taking him by surprise. He stands frozen for a moment before melting into the touch. He slides his hands down Tyler’s back, pulling him closer by the waist. The scent of Tyler is flooding his senses, intoxicating his mind and body. Tongues meet, soft gasps echo through the room.

 

"How long 'til food's ready?"  Josh murmurs into the kiss, hands wandering south, pushing Tyler towards his desk.

 

"Twenty minutes, maybe?" he replies and pulls back slightly to look at his friend. "Why?"

 

The elder pauses for a second, mind churning. "Twenty minutes is good," he mumbles to himself and reaches out to undo Tyler's jeans. He quickly gets them open and tugs the fabric down, underwear following. Tyler watches with lust-blown eyes as Josh spins him around and grabs onto his hips. "Bend over."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lowkey nervous about this because the sentences just came to me so quickly and yeah i wrote all night and it's currently 7am oops. 
> 
> but here it is. another chapter. hope you liked it :^)


	3. Chapter 3

The first time Josh admits to himself that he’s attracted to a men is only weeks after his third child, Victor, is born. It’s late at night, he’s half asleep and horny as hell. Debby slips under the covers with a sigh, rubbing at her tired face.

 

“I forgot how much work having a baby is,” she mumbles and glances over at her husband lying next to her.

 

“No time for mommy and daddy,” he pouts weakly and shuffles closer, working his seductive eyes as well as he can manage at 3am in the morning. He reaches over and runs his warm hand over her bare shoulder, caressing her skin.

 

“Not happening,” she states, batting his hand away.

 

“Baby-”

 

“Go to sleep, Josh.”

 

She turns away, pulls the duvet up to her chin and turns off the night lamp.

 

Josh sighs heavily, squeezing this eyes shut for a moment. Sex with his wife isn’t his favorite activity in the world. It sometimes takes a lot of effort for him to get off, but when he does; it’s good. An orgasm is an orgasm, and Josh is a fan of orgasms regardless of how long they take to happen.

 

He sits up, reaches into his bedside drawer and grabs his earphones and his phone, before sliding off the bed and heading towards the door.

 

“Where you going?” Debby mumbles into her pillow.

 

“Toilet,” he tells, quietly leaving the room. He makes his way to the downstairs bathroom and locks the door behind him. He feels like a hormonal teenager again as sits down on the toilet lid and plugs the earphones into his device.

 

He opens a private browser and types in _Pornhub_. Numerous thumbnails pop up, all displaying naked women. He scrolls down, silently cringing at the degrading titles. _Hot couple fucking_ , one video says, and he figures that’ll do the trick. He pulls down his boxers as he clicks on the video, waiting for it to load.

 

He glances around, eyes landing on a bottle of moisturizer that Debby uses every night before bed. Quickly smearing some onto his right hand, he strokes his cock a few times. Looking back at his screen, he frowns in confusion at what he sees.

 

_Gay boys fuck hard_

He didn’t click on that, did he? Damn his big thumbs. He swallows nervously as he studies the thumbnail, a feeling in his gut itching to press play. So he does.

 

It gets right to the point, a handsome brunette sucking a dick. Okay.

 

Josh feels a familiar sensation swirl in his stomach as he watches the man. He ignores the thought that the guy has a striking resemblance to Tyler, and he wraps his hand around himself and hesitantly starts pumping his fist up and down. It feels weird and new to him, hearing the masculine grunts of pleasure in his ears. He likes it.

 

The video cuts to the two men on a bed, the brunette on all fours. Josh thinks he’s cute – and it has nothing to do with him being Tyler Joseph’s porn lookalike.

 

He comes harder that night than he ever remembers doing in the past. He’s sweating, panting, eyes drooping, as satisfied as can be.

 

The satisfaction lasts for a couple of minutes before the panic starts to set in. He just jerked off to gay porn, and it felt fucking incredible. He quickly exists the page and locks his phone, dropping it to the floor as if it burned his fingers. What is wrong with him?

 

Days pass, and Josh can’t get the pretty brunette out of his head. The way he moaned so sweetly, the look in his eyes as he deepthroated the other man’s cock. Josh feels terrible. Terrible and confused, as if he’s done something really awful but he can’t quite figure out what.

 

“Maybe I’m bisexual,” he mumbles to himself as he parks the car outside his home after work. He takes in the big family house, heart sinking. He can’t recall a single time where he has had any sexual attraction to his wife, or any woman, at all. He never truly thought about it before now. He was aware that he found men handsome and sometimes even cute, but he thought it was a normal thing. He had never experienced outright wanting to have sex with a man. But now he does.

 

He thinks about his beautiful wife, who gave him three amazing children whom he loves more than anything in this world. Debby’s a good woman. She’s a great cook, a great listener and friend, and if she were single, men would be knocking down her door for a date. Josh cares about her deeply. He loves her.

 

Pain floods his chest as he admits to himself that he might not be _in love_ with her.

 

He makes a valiant attempt to repress his feelings, and it works out fine for a long time. He gets busy with work and family. Raising three kids is a lot of work, but at least he’s got Debby by his side.

 

Speaking of Debby, they get their sex life up and running again, and it’s alright. Not amazing, not horrible, and he won’t complain. She’s loving and attentive, her heart too big for her body. He appreciates his wife.

 

Occasionally he’ll hide in the bathroom in the late hours of the night and pull up the Tyler lookalike porn. He’s not proud of it, and he feels awful about himself after. Sometimes he can go weeks without watching the video, but other times it’s several times a week. He can’t get the idea out of his mind, and it’s killing him.

 

\--

 

“You alright, honey?” Debby asks as Josh comes back downstairs, his face red and sweat covering his skin. “You don’t look too good.”

 

“Yeah, I’m- I feel a bit under the weather,” he lies, reaching up to massage his temple. He hears Tyler’s footsteps approach him from behind. The younger man passes him, not sparing him a glance as he takes a seat next to his eldest daughter. Josh can see the regret and hurt in his eyes as he talks to his children, asking them if they like the food.

 

“Have a seat, yeah? Do you have a headache?” Debby speaks softly as she leads him over to the table. Before Josh can shake his head no, she’s on her way to the kitchen. “Eat something. I’ll get you an Advil.”

 

“Are you okay, daddy?” Victor questions, his big brown eyes wide with curiosity.

 

“Daddy’s fine, bud,” Josh smiles reassuringly at the boy, reaching over to ruffle his curls. “I’m just really hungry.”

 

“Here you go,” Debby murmurs as she returns with the painkillers. She kisses him on the head, her hand caressing his shoulder lovingly. The man looks straight ahead at Tyler sitting opposite him.

 

“Thanks, love.”

 

Tyler avoids his gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is short


	4. Chapter 4

Josh has spent the past ten years taking care of his family. Working two jobs, always coming home with a sore back at midnight. Fixing cars on weekdays and waiting tables on Saturdays. He’s always tired, but being able to send his kids off to summer camp or take them bowling makes it all worth it.

 

But he has never stopped to think what _he_ wants. He wants Tyler. He wants to put himself first for a change. He wants to be selfish, just this once.

 

“What’s on your mind?”

 

Josh glances up at his wife. “Nothing special,” he lies with a sigh and pats the bed, gesturing for her to take a seat next to him.

 

“You sure?” she wonders, her big eyes filled with curiosity. Josh used to love those eyes, but now they just remind him of all the wrong he has done. He finds himself wishing it was Tyler’s warm gaze he was looking at.

 

He nods his head.

 

Debby shifts closer, her manicured hand reaching up to cup his cheek gently. She leans over, pressing her lips to his. Josh kisses her back hesitantly, resting his hand on her side. Her touch is kind and familiar, but there’s nothing to it. He feels no sparks, no butterflies. As he kisses his wife, he can’t quite shake the feeling that he’s cheating on Tyler, which is ironic.

 

She deepens the kiss, a hand reaching for Josh’s belt buckle. The man pulls back, moving his eyes to the floor. “I’m tired,” he mumbles as an excuse, before standing up and heading towards the door.

 

Debby frowns slightly, watching as he turns the doorknob. “Where are you going?”

 

“I’m gonna go for a drive.”

 

“A drive? At this hour?”

 

“I need to think,” he tells her, offering a forced smile. “Just go to bed, alright? I won’t be too long.”

 

“Think- Think about what? Can’t you talk to me instead?” she asks, hurt clear in her voice.

 

“It’s not you, okay? I just need some air.”

 

He steps over to her and presses a kiss to her forehead and then leaves the bedroom, quietly making his way down the staircase. The house is silent as he exits, shutting the door behind him. He fishes out his phone, typing out a text.

 

To Tyler:

_You awake? I need to see you._

 

He turns on the radio once he’s in the car, letting guitar chords softly play through the speakers.

 

_Pick up and leave everything._

_Don’t you see what I can bring?_

Josh bites down on his lip as he drives down the road. His phone buzzes, and he glances down at it. _Yeah I’m up_ , it reads.

 

_I will give you all of me._

_Just leave your lover._

_Leave him for me._

 

A tear rolls down Josh’s cheek, and he takes a hand off the wheel to press his fist against his mouth. His shoulders shake as he tries his best not to break down crying. The streetlights start to blur as he passes them, and he wipes at his eyes.

 

The drive is short, and he stops on the street outside Tyler’s house. The younger is waiting on the porch, his hands stuffed into an oversized hoodie. He walks over to the car as soon as he spots it, and silently gets in.

 

Josh doesn’t say anything either, only puts the car back in drive and continues down the road. A soft piano song is playing on the radio now, filling in for the lack of conversation. He glances over at Tyler for a moment, taking in his unshaved face and tired eyes. His heart aches.

 

Here they are. Feelings mutual, but nothing to do about it.

 

“Sorry it’s so late,” Josh speaks up after a while, not sure of what to say.

 

“S’fine,” Tyler replies, eyes staring out the window, watching the city pass them by. “Why did you wanna see me?”

 

The elder shrugs slightly. “It’s been a while.”

 

“Yeah, well. It’s for the best.”

 

The rest of the ride is spent in silence until they finally stop at a vacant parking lot. A beautiful view of the town lies before them, and the moon shines brightly in the night sky.

 

“I miss you.”

 

Tyler turns to face his friend, frown on his face. “Josh, don’t-“

 

“No, we need to talk about this,” Josh cuts him off.

“Why?”

 

“Cause I want to be with you.”

 

The brunette stares at him and shakes his head. “No,” he protests, eyes watering. “Don’t say- You don’t mean that.”  


“Tyler, listen to me. I have feelings for you that I can’t ignore,” he tells, inching closer to the other man. He reaches out, gingerly intertwining their fingers. “I know it’s selfish. Trust me, _I know_. I know it’s wrong. But this…” he breathes, gesturing to their hands. “This is all I want. It’s all I can think about.”

 

Tyler draws a shaky breath as Josh glances down at his lips.

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

The younger nods, leaning forward and meeting his friend halfway. The kiss is warm, and full of magic and butterflies. Josh cups Tyler’s face, loving the feeling of his stubble beneath his palms. This is the love he’s missed out on. Kissing Tyler is Josh’s new favorite activity, the way his heart soars working as a drug for him. He pulls back slightly, leaning their foreheads together.

 

“You’re everything I want,” he whispers.

 

And so they continue their relationship. Quietly, for no one else to see.

 

\--

 

"Simon and Monica are getting a divorce."

 

Jenna turns to her mother in law with a frown on her face. "What? Why?"

 

"He had an affair with a lady from his office," Kelly explains as she sets the spaghetti bowl down on the table. The distaste is clear in her voice.

 

"What kind of man cheats on his wife like that?" Chris pipes in.

 

Tyler stares at the table as his parents speak, feeling sick to his stomach. Their voices echo horribly in his ears, the words pressing down on his chest. He feels like he is submerged under water, unable to breathe.

 

"I know, right? Such a disgrace."

 

He sinks deeper, the surface drifting further out of reach. His head is spinning.

 

"Especially when they have children together."

 

"Excuse me," he manages to get out before he stands abruptly, his chair scraping loudly against the wooden floor. All eyes turn to his pale frame. "I need to use the bathroom."

 

He hurries out of the dining room, his legs shaking and a sweat breaking out on his forehead. Quickly fishing his phone out of his pocket, he dials Josh's number as he finds his way to the bathroom. He locks the door behind him, sliding down the wall and pressing the phone to his ear, fingers twitching.

 

“Hey.”

 

"Fuck you."

 

"Tyler?"

 

"Fuck you."

 

"What- what's wrong?"

 

Tyler bites down on his thumb, anger and fear drowning him. "You've fucked up my life," he whispers, voice shaking. "My family."

 

"Did- did you tell them?" Josh asks in disbelief, lowering his voice.

 

"No."

 

"Then what's... what're you talking about? What's wrong?"

 

"What's wrong is that I cheated on my wife. With _you_. Time and time again," the brunette states, his voice breaking as tears roll down his cheeks. He shakes his head vigorously. "What's wrong is that I'm in love with you."

 

The words are so quiet, barely audible. Josh is silent, only his breathing signifying that he hasn't hung up yet.

 

"Say something, please,” Tyler squeezes his eyes shut, willing the ache in his chest to vanish.

 

"I love you," Josh whispers after a moment. "And I don't- I don't believe love is wrong."

 

"Cheating is wrong."

 

Josh wants to protest. He wants to say that their situation is different, and that it's alright. But he knows it's not. He knows they’re both in the wrong.

 

"I don't know what to tell you."

 

"Can't you tell me you never wanna see me again? That we need to stop what we're doing?" Tyler cries quietly, tears traveling down to the corner of his lips, leaving a salty taste in his mouth. "Tell me it's over, because I don't have the strength to."

 

"Tyler-"

 

"I can't say it. I don't want to. It hurts too much. I can’t."

 

"Then don't say it," Josh sniffs, tearing up. "No one is saying we have to stop seeing each other."

 

"I don't want to be a cheater,” the brunette lets out a sob, and reaches up to cover his mouth with his hand. His whole body is shaking. He has messed up beyond repair.

 

"Tyler, listen to me. Everything is gonna be alright. If we… decide to tell them... they'll be okay. They're strong women. Kind women. They'll... understand," Josh speaks slowly, trying to convince himself as well as his lover. "And as for the kids... we've raised them right. They might be confused at first, but... in the long run it could be the best option, Ty."

 

"I can't hurt them like that. I can't break up my family," Tyler protests weakly, shaking his head at the thought.

 

"We'll still be a big family. You know that. Maybe- maybe you and I could get a big house together... with plenty of room for the kids. We could have a good life together."

 

Tyler's heart aches at the thought, wanting nothing more than that freedom. "That sounds nice," he mumbles into the receiver, despite knowing they can never have that. A broken smile forms on his lips.

 

"Yeah," Josh agrees, chuckling wetly. "It really does."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i'm bad at updating. my life's a mess lately.


End file.
